The Nutritionatrix and The Prius

I’m seeing a nutritionist today. It’s our second date.
It seems I’ve stalled my metabolism by not refueling every morning with breakfast and rarely with lunch for years. Throw into the mix that I do not sleep in regular cycles thus taxing my bio rhythm so it is confused. According to her PhDness, it’s going to take me 6 months of eating within an hour after I wake, not skipping lunch until 3 PM like I normally do and daily exercise (ugh) to get my engine revved up again. Supposedly, we are like cars.She drew a graph and showed me the difference between me and my mythical twin sister who ate breakfast and lunch on a daily basis.
She was an energetic, zippy, cute little Bmer.
I was a Prius.
Don’t think efficiency. She was going with the visual.I am realistic. I would be very happy to be a Bmer. I started out a mint condition ’57 Chevy. I had my days as a Corvette upgrading to a Ferrari along the way. I’m considered a vintage model now. Even with the possibility of a major overhaul of original parts with a suspension lift and restoration body work done, I still rather opt this for the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom.

Lately my bumper has been dragging and if I don’t want to see my chassis end up on the used car lot things have got to change. I’ve had a complete tune up – stress eco cardio – *check & great; thyroid – *check & normal; blood panels – *check and I was assured the good, bad and the ugly triglyceride numbers will improve once I am on the highway to better health and on the road to becoming the Bmer.

So far the Nutritionatrix has not asked for much – a food diary, 8 glasses of water, probiotics, breakfast and lunch eaten and to turn off the computer 3 hours before bed. WHAT? Clearly she has gone too far. She told me our brains continue to process 2-3 hours after this type of stimulation and this can interfere with sleep. All I heard was ‘turn off the computer’ and I had to mentally reboot so I didn’t think to ask her about TV and reading. I usually park it around 2 AM so she might have a point. Make me eat meat protein (gag) first thing upon (gag) rising (gag) but please, not this!!

So what have I done to reach Bmer status over the weekend? Hmmm… Uh… I’m thinking lime juice is fruit juice and agave juice – come on! A vegetable even by Jack Lalanne’s standards!
Salt = mineral. On the rocks = water. I’ve put low octane in my premium tank and I’m pinging all over town and there’s no hiding it from her.
Guess premium tequila doesn’t count.

The Nutritionatrix said these changes would be very uncomfortable at first. Gross understatement. They’re not even registering on my radar gun. To be mindful I thought of making a chart with stickers to be placed on the frig for me to be “pantry trained”.

I so want to be a zippy Bmer while I still have some miles left on the odometer.
There needs to be less junk in da trunk and higher RPMs.

Mile 1 begins today.

Comments

  1. Hahaha! You are so adorable!! I wish you all the luck in the world and I can promise you that you will feel better after just one change! πŸ™‚

  2. Very funny. But also serious. As we get older we just have to pay more attention to maintenance…

  3. Oh and I’m not a breakfast person…so I start every morning with a big mug of Ovaltine :O) YUM!

  4. Well good luck with that. If I am a car, I am a Suburban…..strong, can carry a lot, runs for a loooong time on one tank of gas and built very sturdy!!! Ha ha!

  5. Wow!
    That’s a lot to take in, changes in diet and routine. Sounds like you are in good hands, maybe you can keep us in the loop on your daily progress…best of luck! The friends of mine that are in the best shape do much the same as your Dr. is advocating for you.

  6. You are soooooo funny, love this! I don’t care what they say, your a Bmer in my eyes. I would love to know if she gave you a menu to follow. I’m sure it is just basic common cense though. I can’t function with out breakfast. Everyday I have either a bowl of ceral (Kashi-the flakes w/ the blueberries–love it), or at work I have a cup of Kashi brown sugar instant oatmeal. It is not much, but your body needs it. Small snack sometimes at work around 10 a.m. which is some kind of fruit. No snack at home. I usually have just a half a sandwich or something light for lunch.
    Good luck with this, you will feel 100% better! Soon you will be all shiney and new again!
    XOXO

  7. Love your post again!! Good thing to get the tune up now! I’m sure you look fabulous. When you post a pic, we’ll know πŸ˜‰ xoxo

  8. i hear ya sister…..but got my gym pass and have been working out 4 days faithfully for 2 months. have lost only 8 pounds. =/ heavy sigh.slowly but surely. 32 more pounds to go before my new goal!

  9. This is one of the best things I’ve ever read! I’m on day three of attempting to give up my beloved Diet Coke. It’s not pretty and there has been admitted cheating involved. But I figure hey…I’ll drive in the breakdown lane for a bit until I’m totally rev up to the freeway!

  10. Every day this week I told myself I am giving up sugar… yeah right! It’s hard to make the changes we need to. Good luck seeking Bmer status.

  11. You are so adorable, I love this post so much! I wish you all the best and we could probably learn so much from you. Please keep us posted on your quest to achieve Bmer status! πŸ™‚

  12. Oh, sweet PMP, you are the cutest! I feel your pain about the whole breakfast situation. You can do it, though. Maybe some fruit and yogurt? or peanut butter and banana? Please keep us posted! Also, let me know what her PhDness says about tv and reading–I, too, am very bad about staying online (or reading) until just before I turn out the lights. Still, I expect you’ll be revving your engine and garnering wolf whistles at every intersection! Varooom!

  13. Oooh PM,
    No matter what the subject, you ALWAYS put a smile on my face girl.
    BroncoMom

  14. Ha! “tequila doesn’t count…..”

    Very funny post. YOur nutritionist sounds like mine– a party pooper.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. The door’s always open.

    Cheers,
    jj

  15. I have to have a cup or 2 of coffee before breakfast, but I do eat it… usually cereal w/ fruit. I’m one of the lucky ones with a good metabolism, but yes, I did notice when the estrogen goes the muffin tops appear. What’s the workout for that?
    Stick to it and good luck! You need to stay healthy to keep up with the future grandkids πŸ˜‰

  16. Good luck with everything πŸ™‚

    I really do think watching tv/using your computer before bed makes it harder to fall asleep. I have started keeping my laptop in another room and not using it before bed=definitely falling asleep faster. Hope it works for you!

  17. Loved this post! Totally inspirational. So keep us posted on your progress. And yes, I am most certain there will be progress!

  18. Hey Marilyn,
    wish i had known you were wanting to change your health. If you haven’t looked into Isagenix I would strongly recommend it. I’ve been using it for 3 years and my blood work is totally normal, my energy is energetic, it’s easy to put into my daily routine. Terry and I both have it as part of our lifestyle and would never stop. It’s “good stuff maynard!!”. watch http://www.isamovie.com and in the top left Are You Toxic. then you will understand what’s going on better, and let me know what you think.

    Hugs
    Carole

    PS I haven’t been home yet this year and it seems to so strange. It was so nice to spend time with you last year, even though we were working!! πŸ™‚