The Bookshelf

is a confirming time for me but not without discomfort.
I feel exposed and bare.
The sun is harsh with fewer leaves to shade, protect, and hide but the month
beckons a resolute beginning while appearing fallow.
As I dust the bookshelf that held an abundance of votives this past holiday,
I hold the last photo we took as a family just days before my mom suddenly left us on a New Year’s Day.
I take a breath and let it out forcefully, accepting, complete.
I go on to the next shelf
where there are numerous reminders of when the boys were small.
For a moment I pretend time has stopped and they are playing with Legos upstairs instead of packing to return to college.
Another breath drawn. Its freedom granted and released.
I go on to the next shelf.
I find the framed photos newly tagged with an erasable marker from our Christmas night capers.
Mustaches and goatees on an eight and five year old.
I draw another breath and exhale in fits and starts.
Humor found when least expected and most needed is a gift.
I go on to the next shelf carrying a giggle in my heart.
Isn’t this life though?
The candid and the posed.
The spontaneous and the planned.
The resolution of things we cannot change and those we can.
All highlights of the simple and extraordinary.
The forward movement to the next shelf.

“Winter” ~ Vivaldi
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  1. Beautifully said, my friend. Was it Thorton Wilder in “Our Town” who said that perhaps only the poets & the saints truly appreciate life while they are living it? I knew you were a saint bc of what an incredible mother you are. It appears you are a poet as well. THis post spoke to me like an eloquent poem. It spoke to my heart. Thank you for sharing.

  2. *hugs* Are you ok?

  3. Very well said, my friend. You touched my heart on this cold January morning.

    Thank you for sharing.

  4. I have emailed you. Get back to me when you can!! Love you.

  5. Those boys are always in your heart! I bet it’s the silence that gets you. Hugs!

  6. And every new phase is very much like a new shelf, is it not?

    Great post and Happy New Year!

  7. awwwww!! that post brought a tear to my eye! =/