“To Cheat or Not To Cheat….”

Have you ever wondered if your husband was having an affair?

Years ago a friend of mine found out her husband had made reservations in Vegas by the credit card company’s fraud protection department calling the house and asking if anyone had recently used the card since the account had been dormant. ‘Bob’ changed his reservations from Vegas to a local Marriott Residence for several weeks thereafter before groveling his way back home. Then there was ‘N’ who was dutifully cleaning out her husband’s car to get it ready for a car wash and found a sales receipt under the seat for condoms and a bottle of wine. She had had a hysterectomy. I guess the wine wasn’t for her either. She kept her cool and investigated. Their credit card statement showed her husband had set up an online dating account and according to his profile was ‘separated and learning to navigate the single waters again.’ Ahoy, Capt’n Sleazeball!
Now they are oceans apart.

One morning last week I was going through our Discover card bill I saw two charges for a dating service. I knew this was an error but remembering my two friends and their stories I have to say a smidge of a ‘what if’ crept in. I thought I could handle this dispute myself so I called the credit card company and the dating service but because I am not named as the primary card holder they could not discuss it with me so I had to get Mr. P. Martini involved.

He was sleeping soundly in college boy’s room. It’s not what you think. He snores at a high decibel level and sometimes he needs to be sequestered for everyone’s benefit. I sat down on my Pilates clothes holder and woke him up. I asked him if he knew anything about ‘friend finders.’ He slowly opened his eyes and replied, “Huh?”, while making a bodily noise that could have been mistaken for a backfire in the cul-de-sac two blocks over and scratching himself as only men in the morning can do. I thought, yep, this is a man who is having an affair all right. Maybe I’ll just find him a ‘friend’ myself.

After we got it straightened out with the credit card company (input error or card fraud), I was half way expecting the obligatory “Honey, I love you! I would never….” but instead I got a laugh while he was shaving and a “Did you think I could have been so dumb to put this on our credit card? Thanks a lot.”
I guess it’s one thing to question a man’s fidelity but do not question his intelligence.

“Your Cheating Heart” – Patsy Cline
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  1. That’s a funny story. It happened to me recently. Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was actually MY CREDIT CARD and not my husband’s that had been used to sign up for Match.com. I was hurling attitude at him right up until the credit card company said on speaker phone “maam, that’s your card, not your husbands!” I felt like a real fool.

    Luckily my husband has less “attitude” than I do when it comes to matters such as this!!!


  3. I am rolling in laughter and tears at the last part. If younger women had a clue of what these older guys are like at home they would NEVER be interested. (at least mine doesn’t snore but I can so relate to everything else!)

  4. That is so funny and scary at the same time! So did you ever find out where the charge came from?

  5. There are investigating but we closed the account number and they reissued another card. We have had this happen before with Discover – charges for Pet Co. and BBBeyond in Yonkers on a Sunday AM while we were nestled all snug in our beds here at home. One thing they were able to tell us is that the birth dates did not match and they upgraded themselves via our card to platinum status whatever that meant. The dating service were also very nice and credited the card back and apologized. I can highly recommend their customer service dept. 😉

  6. SO funny! Just discovered your blog.

  7. I must admit that I once thought hubby was doing the same because of FriendFinder. It turned out that our card number had once again been harvested.

    Don’t feel too badly about hubby in the son’s room. Mine has slept in the guest room for years, due to snoring & sleepwalking. It’s a survival tactic. 😉

  8. First off Patsy was sooo perfect!!!!!
    Secondly you should have reminded your hubby that when they think with their Johnson there’s no blood left for the brain.

  9. What a funny story!

    I hope you get things straight with the credit card company!

  10. That is too damn funny!!!! I love your pilates clothes holder….

  11. I think everyone wonders at one time or another….
    Ah Men, that’s all I can say! LOL

  12. this story is toooo funny! glad you got it all figured out!

  13. Very funny! We have had people buying cell phone’s in Mr. Pink’s name. Scary.

  14. LMAO!!!!

    You had me on the floor starting with the bodily noise.

  15. what a funny story, but it must be terrible to be with someone who can’t be trusted. that’s the absolute worst!!!

  16. Funny, funny story. Actually, my ex was dumb enough to leave a certain hotel charge on a credit card. That’s why he’s my ex, LOL (it was 20 years ago; I can laugh now).